But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
