before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
