was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
