Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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