i just wanna soil my oats bro
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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