First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
