I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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