She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
