My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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