i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
