Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wear drunk well.
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