Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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