i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i think my cat just said my name.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
