so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
