His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
