I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
