i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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