Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i will never coherently bang her
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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