dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
