i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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