Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
