Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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