Did you just see the Batmobile???
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
