My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
