Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
