i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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