if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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