drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
