I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
