; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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