He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
