How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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