She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
