I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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