i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.