beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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