Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
