I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
