my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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