Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
