I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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