he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
