does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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