Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
