Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
