Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I want to make a zoo with you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
