My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
