I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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