I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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