I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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