i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
