I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
