R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
