Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
