I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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