It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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