I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
