Sponge bath it is.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
