pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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