What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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