her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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