At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
