i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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