I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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