If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
