Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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