apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
4 words: hood of his car
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this boner is exhausting
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
