I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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