I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
