I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
