No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
