This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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