At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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