So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
