I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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