Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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