Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
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Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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